Parking lot guards

I talked briefly about my trip on the shinkansen in my last post. I noticed something on that trip as I was asking for directions to platforms and the likes throughout the little sojourn I took to and from Hiroshima.
When you speak to a Japanese person (or indeed any person that knows precious little of the language you are communicating in) they will latch on to one word like it carries the very essence of whatever you’re saying. It is therefore a good idea to emphasize the word that you want them to latch on to, or indeed only say that word.

Case in point: I asked the teller for a ticket to Tokyo on the Shinkansen. So far so good. She asks me “Reservation?”
This is where I made a dire mistake. From her trained phrases she had been using on me I thought she knew English, and I could speak it freely. This was not the case. Not her fault, my mistake. I blurt out “nah, don’t really need a reservation.”

The woman latches on to the one word she knows in this sentence. “Reservation.”

There were three

This made my ticket go from a lean 11.000 yen to ~18.500 yen. I didn’t argue though. Figured if the train was full I’d be thankful for not having to stand for 4 hours. Yeah, the Shinkansen is going to be full at 14:00 on a weekday. Well, I was never good at thinking.

When I’m riding the trains around Tokyo I use this little word association game with the extremely helpful guards and other assorted staff that you will find every 3 steps at any station. Basically, you dress yourself in a look of confusion and move like you are in a hurry somewhere and just say the name of the station you want to go to and they will tell you what track you should be at in the next 7 minutes (give or take a minute.) And the ones that can’t say the number in English will show you on a calculator.

Also related to this, I find that “Standing Around” is huge in Japan. I’m sure it’s not a job people aspire to, but you see them everywhere. They probably have a whole section on job-sites for Standing Around Looking Busy-people.

Round and round...

I’ve seen men holding a sign, doing nothing else. I came back 2 hours later, he’s still doing the same thing. He is basically doing the job of a large chunk of wood that might be affixed to the bottom of said sign. There are the green clad guys from one of my first posts in asakusa. I said they had rules to govern, but in truth I’ve never seen them talk to anyone. They just sort of assert their presence.

But my favourites are the traffic cops. I took this shot just as one ducked out, but they were seriously three guys on this corner. This means there are three guys here, standing around holding back or letting through cars on this particular T-crossing. Basically they stand there blocking off the road, looking menacingly at the cars in the alley, or just looking around. And after a while they shift, and block the pedestrians instead. That’s right, they are a traffic light. You commonly see them around normal-sized to large T-crossings or at parking house exits.

And I’ve never seen them chit-chatting. They’re total pros about this job.

SO good.

Today I had some sushi from a conveyour belt sushi place again. This is something I could get used to. Seriously best restaurant idea ever. You only pay for what you eat, and there is no pressure. Say you’re late for something, but hungry like the wolf. Run past this place, grab a plate, down two pieces of sushi, throw the girl two dollars and leave. In and out in less than a minute, guaranteed. This is fast food as fast as it gets. And it’s good. Not just good for you, it is delicious.

I tried getting some food yesterday from this place across from my hotel, and of course as always in these ramen/rice-places you have to order it from a machine and get a little slip of paper that you then give to the clerk. This particular machine reminded me of the machine Daniele won a whole load of worthless coins in. I had no idea what was going on and I had to select like 8 times to get my little slip. And every time it just ended with this big happy text plopping up and I got pushed back 2 steps. Like playing Monopoly with my cheating elder brother.

Hold the seaweed...

In the end I asked the school guys behind me. They told me the big happy text said something about okane. Ok, so I had to put the money in at step 7. Thanks guys. Without you I would still be hungry.

I have no idea what I ordered though. The rice in the bottom was really good, and the meat “lid” they had put on top tasted like chicken, so that means it could basically be anything. But what put me off it was whatever it was they had drenched the “chicken” in. At first I couldn’t place it, then I realised it had the exact same consistancy as pussy juices. I still ate most of it. I mean come on, that has never stopped me eating anything before.

Haha, Penis-logo!

The idea all along was to travel around Japan and see some of the sights, so I took the tip of a german backpacker I met in the capsule hotel and took an overnight bus all the way down to Hiroshima.

Talk about information being sparse in English.Nothing was announced in any language but Japanese. I got a little flier with the ground rules in English (no smoking on board etc etc) and that was it. But it was a bus ride. What can go wrong, right? Ok, I made that sound ominous on purpose, but it’s actually true. Nothing went wrong. Just sit back and enjoy the cheapest way of getting to Hiroshima.

Maybe “enjoy” is a bit of a strong word, but I actually managed to sleep through most of it. It just wasn’t nice sleep. It was the kind of sleep you have when you’re homeless and people spit on you. But sleep none the less. he bus stopped every 2-3 hours at rest stops that looked like carbon copies of eachother. I thought we had gone back when we got to the second one.

A-bomb dome

In Hiroshima I spent the first day attempting to talk to the locals, and watching these two girls confer on how to put the sentence “I can’t speak English” together for a good minute. It was adorable. I knew what they were trying to say after 4 seconds, of course, but who am I to interrupt something so cute.

So the talking was a big fat failure. So I ventured out to the A-bomb dome. Beautiful day, really nice place and fucked up insects. Everything that came near me had some kind of warning colour. Mosquitoes were black with white stripes (or vice versa) and the spider that almost ate my book was black with yellow stripes (or vice versa).

I also listened to the chants from the baseball stadium and wished I had tickets to whatever game that was. Fuck yeah, baseball!

Also checked out the castle. The court yard is insanely quiet. Really tranquil. If I were a Hiroshimaian, that is totally where I would choose as the perfect make-out spot.

The Castle

And then the place was pretty much out of stuff. It has about four thousand memorials to people that died in the bombing, and I know it’s a terrible thing to say, but most of the memorials look horrible.  The dome is an amazing legacy though. I can’t believe it didn’t get that “never allowed to tear it down” stamp until the nineties.

I got tired of lugging my baggage around though and decided to just head back to Tokyo. Took the Shinkansen back. Talk about precision, speed and legroom!

Shinkansen+babe

Odd thing. I felt like I got home when I got off at Shinjuku station. How fucked up is that.

…is pretty much all that’s kept me going since I got here.

Shibuya crossing

I’m not made out for traveling alone, atleast not for this long. It’s a fucking fantastic experience, but next time I’m gonna bring someone that can take care of me, because I’m obviously not managing myself.

On the first day, with the other swedes, I had 4 pieces of sushi from a conveyor belt sushi-place. Really good sushi, absolutely fantastic. Since then I haven’t eaten anything. Just getting myself a few apples took 2 days. I still wasn’t hungry, I just figured I’d die if I kept not eating.

Last night I met up with a Japanese girl I had talked to before on the web and she showed me around shibuya though, and our first stop was a ramen-shop. We got some really nice ramen, and we looked around the famous 109 mall in Shibuya.

¥850 ramen

couldn't stand straight

We also headed off to “Hub – the English pub,” yeah, the English pub that plays Avril Lavigne as loud as a club. Still good times though. I got caught up in a drinking game with the table next to us in naming macdonalds items until someone (me) couldn’t think of another and then that person had to drink.

Hub also had what must be the smallest toilet I have ever been to.

All of a sudden you’re walking down the bustling streets of Shinjuku and you see this road where you supposed there was going to be another backstreet full of vending machines. It’s slightly surreal. It’s like you only have to look in that direction for all the noise from cars and the people yelling at the stores to just go away. Tranquility in madness.

Aahh~

The fashion around here is great. Loads of the guys look like host club members, but what’s great is the female fashion. Everyone wearing knee high socks and short skirts or tight jeans shorts. Some girls even have that teasing thing that holds the socks at the waist running up their leg.

I saw a few gothic lolitas in Shibuya too, but they seem to be a dying breed.

widdle kitty

Also: cats. There were probably a good 50 Japanese clustered around these things, taking pictures and making “kawaii~!” exclamations. To be fair, it was incredibly cute.

~like I’m something to eat

a few minutes of shut-eye

It was so hot out today, in the end I went and sat in the shade by the river with all the Japanese pensioners. I think it may be because it’s Silver Week here in Japan, but the crowd around the shopping district was monstrous. I could barely stop and look at anything without creating a cluster fuck of people trying to walk with the flow of other people. Everyone just moving along in a semi-orderly fashion. Didn’t get any shopping done.

So besides sleeping for an hour at a really nice tranquil place, all I did was look around and try a few drinks from the vending machines.

I have absolutely no idea what this Fanta Charge is supposed to be, but there was an image of an orange shaking it furiously on the cover, so I did that. When I opened it and tried to drink it there was a little liquid and inside that a whole lot of slime. I don’t think it had gone bad, I think it was supposed to be that way, or I didn’t shake it enough or something, and the liquid tasted pretty good but the slime was horrendous. Took me half a bottle of water to get the taste out. I’m looking forward to that one coming out in a language I understand.

shake it like a polaroid

Mmm, sweat.

no stepping!

Pocari Sweat needs no introduction. Everyone that has ever read anything about Japan has heard of this one. Not bad either. It’s an ion drink, according to the packing. Tastes like an unflavoured sports drink, nothing else. Gets rid of thirst, so that’s good.

Asakusa is riddled with “Non-step” busses. I’m not sure what the difference is between non-step busses and regular ones, but I muse on the step-bus rather than the non-step bus. I’m sure it’s a creature from some legend.

Oh yeah, and rikshaws. Loads of rikshaws. See the guy out in the left corner of that picture?

Rikshaw nation

loitering is allowed

This guy right here. As far as I can tell, he is employed to enforce moral ethics. Specifically two laws are his to govern; “No bicycles” (I have yet to understand this one since they almost hit him with their bikes. I think you’re not allowed to lock your bike around his ankle.) and the “Don’t smoke while walking.” rule. This is a broadly enforced rule around here it seems. Supposedly you can only smoke around the designated smoking areas, but presumably because of the lack of any kind of numbers of these afforementioned places, you’re just told to smoke standing still.

My loitering didn’t seem to be a problem though.

Pods for travelers

For my first two days I’ve been living at a pod-hotel. It’s long enough for me to fully stretch out if I lay with my head in one corner and my feet in the opposite corner. I’m 185cm. But it’s cheap. 3000 yen a night is hard to beat. This really wouldn’t be a bad idea for any country. I don’t see why any kind of culture would be a hindrance. This place is loaded with foreigners, especially back packers on a limited budget.

~ I want it so bad, and I’m never gonna get it

Got on the flight for Japan and ended up next to what were probably the only other two swedes on the plane. I wasn’t planning on relying on people that knew a language I could speak, but to be fair, I’m pretty happy I did hook up with them as we just spent a pretty great night in Tokyo with their friends and I got myself some cheap accomodation in a pod-hotel in Asakusa.

obviously shit didn’t go down without problems. The hotel rented my room to some other guy while I was out getting drunk and after much misunderstanding I got a different one and I got my stuff back from the old locker.

nice streets.

I didn’t quite understand the fact that English is almost worthless here until I got here. I’m in Tokyo, so I’d think people would understand enough to get me by, but more often than not, being able to say even one or two words in Japanese has had to pull me by. I mean I’ve heard it said, but speaking to Japanese people online I thought it was an exaggeration. It really isn’t. Body language and guessing is going to have to get me far.

Daniele the Italian and Cyrus the Serbian (or something) were the other two swedes and they introduced me to their swedish friends in Asakusa. Together the five of us got denied entry to atleast 4 places, claiming to be closing, that were still open when we walked past on the way back. We weren’t rowdy or caused any trouble to the place that in the end wanted us to take a seat, but I get it. This sort of racism is sort of understandable. Maybe it’s more common than not that a band of 5 foreigners causes trouble. It’s really just a business decision to not let us in. The Japanese customers may leave, robbing them of business. I can’t really blame them for that.

The boy's back

We checked out some of the sights. A temple that was closed and a few pachinko parlours. Crazy places. People frequenting them must have serious damage to their hearing. They were loud.

Daniele won like 5 times his bet by being clueless at an arcade, hitting buttons at random, until we realised, after 15 minutes of trying to talk to the assistant, that the coins could not be exchanged for money.

the future boys

We also hit a karaoke-place for massive fun and screaming.

After all this we went to the hotel bath, had a wonderful bath, followed by a relaxing time in the sauna and then we took the balcony on the 9th floor, airdrying in the  nude, with a beer each. Probably one of the most manly moments of my life.

robe from the hotel

This little thing amused Daniele to no end. It was the cutest little toy ever, tied to a pole outside a combini-store, tirelessly walking around in circles, its only motivation being the unspoken promise that one day he would get to his destination. (that and 4 Alcaline tripple A batteries)

~Here come the future boys!

Schiphol, not a bad place

First flight done with. First good news is that the tickets were valid. So far flyprice has delivered, and gotten me to schiphol. You never know with these internet people. They may just be taking your monies.

Now I just need to wait here for 5 hours before the flight to Japan leaves. Hey, atleast I just got half an hour of internet for 6 euro. So that’s… good. There is slight amusement to be had from the person doing announcements here. She sounds almost exactly like GLaDOS.

The first flight was short and the captain even informed us he was not just on schedule, we came in early. Thank fuck for that, wouldn’t want to be late for my 5 hour session of waiting for the next flight!

I thought the biggest problem about the first flight was gonna be the fat beer-chugging man shaped like a beach ball that sat next to me, but as it turned out he was very courteous and never strayed into my personal bubble where I could enjoy mineral water and Entourage. He didn’t even smell of fat people.

The problem came from behind. Three dutch people in a screaming conversation, possibly about how fucking great their voices were, the one right behind me being the worst one, of course. If you haven’t heard it before, the conversation of three middle aged dutch assholes sounds a lot like that of a room full of northern swedes, drunk off their tits. (i.e the natural state of the northern swede). There’s some swedish and the rest is just awful slurring and the sounds of rhinos dying.

I was surprised to learn I got free shit on the plane though. sure, it was only small sammiches and a free drink, but still! I’ve been on short flights many times before and gotten nothing but a back ache.

I’m gonna enjoy the rest of my breakfast now (Red Bull and Lay’s crisps) and see if anyone is online on MSN.

~Medicine makes people evil